I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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