I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
