Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
