Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
