how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
