I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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