You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
