Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
