take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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