I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
