plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
two words: eviction party
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize