So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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