i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
