Apparently you make a good broom.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
