i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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