Can i not drive my cunt home
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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