So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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