I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
