bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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