you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
