with your own penis?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
