Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
