So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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