so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
