the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
