I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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