dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
high people should be assigned attendants
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
