He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
