I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
