That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
