i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Randomize
