This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
