is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
