This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
