Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
