Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
