It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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