What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
