Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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