everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
