Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
