Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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