Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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