well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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