Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
