is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
