I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
