Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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