man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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