guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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