Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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