mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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