Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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