I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you made out with another girl for some wings
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
