Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
