HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
