I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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