it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
