Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize