sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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