I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
