I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize