she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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