I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
