TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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