The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
