I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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