did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
