Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize