Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
